astalkofbroccoli

tumblr

2011-06-19T00:52:00.000+08:00

looking back, i've been on blogspot since 2008! this has served me well, and is stil serving me well. but, being a marketing student, i ought to keep up w social media tools. and tumblr is one thing that i should definitely catch on. am already slow for that, since it's been around for some time. so, from now on, i'll be on tumblr instead :)

http://astalkofbroccoli.tumblr.com/

开心！！

2011-06-19T00:09:00.000+08:00

the skit went smoothly! our hard work paid off :D

dad n mum r back from church camp!

happiest thing of the day: 爱心豆花 from meihui!!! :D :D :D
i love lao ban taohuay :D and she queued for half an hour n cabbed to church to deliver the tao huay today. 吃在口里，甜在心里！没想到美慧说的surprise是那么领人开心的surprise! :D

such a privilege

2011-06-16T23:38:00.000+08:00

just came back from worship practice tonight. left church with a sense of awe - what a privilege it is to sing in worship to God. what grace it is, for God to love us despite our weaknesses and sin and want us to worship him. if i'm God, (lucky i'm not), i'll prolly say eww you these unlovable, imperfect people, get away from me!!

anyway, conflict settled, i hope. thankfully.

saw my cousin's fb status about her husband:

刚陪老公去参加 ‘专科面试’ 回来。。
我，打从心底地崇拜他！也非常佩服所有已经成为专科医生的医生们！能成为专科医生真的非常不容易。无论今年有没有机会拿到专科位子，我都为我的老公感到非常骄傲！xxx, 你真的很棒！

她真的好小女人，打从心里的仰慕她老公。圣经所说的女人要恋慕丈夫，应该就是这样吧？？现在的我完全无法理解或体会那种心情... 不过，看到他们那么幸福，我也为她开心！！！

爸爸的心愿

2011-06-15T23:03:00.000+08:00

老爸常说他的心愿就是一家人可以在同样一间教会敬拜。可是，我不希望自己是因为逃避或是不满才答应他的要求。当初佳华uncle问我，为什么会选择留下来而不是跟爸爸妈妈一起走，我的回答是因为我的朋友在这里，舍不得okyaya的弟兄姐妹，因为教会栽培我学琴，我要奉献回给教会。那时应该还在读J1吧。。一转眼已经是6年了，还多次因为这件事跟爸顶嘴。

在辛苦的时候，也是要记得自己当初坚持的理由。不要给魔鬼留地步。从来没想过，坚持那么久的立场，竟然会被自己动摇。

定睛看耶稣，注目看耶稣

:)

2011-06-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

tonight, i thank God for a healthy mind, a grateful heart, and positive attitude (at least most of the time heh)

spontaneity comes at a price

2011-06-05T00:36:00.000+08:00

booking flights and accomms one week before setting off! will be in hong kong next thurs to sun, just booked flights today, waiting to confirm accomms soon i hope.

but the prices are all up because of the lateness of it all. and cos this is like peak period. but anyway, glad to be going w mich!

just a random musing - friends do change when they become attached. people who used to reply quickly / send emails frequently do so less often. i guess their priorities have changed. and will remain changed.

SO, it's impt to have single friends! :D too bad fewer of these friends around these days. which make them all the more precious!

bose rocks my socks

2011-05-29T00:25:00.000+08:00

its been a month since i last blogged, because nothing much has been happening (my life is getting boring!!!)

well to take stock of what happened in this past month, i've met up w people (took my first off day to have brunch + desserts w the clique, met up for dinner at a pinch of salt and ice cream at lick w shehui *salivates*, dinner w sarah jo, lunched w my dg etc etc ), finished watching tong yi, starting to prepare for the youth and young adults skit (some drama there, but still learning to work w pple w vastly diff working style from me), attended a briefing regarding the change in crusade structure (concerns, concerns)

the most recent highlight is my new earphones :D though the bass is not as good as the urban decay headphones that shehui has, but this is really pretty good for inears! the clarity's even better than the last pair i had! and good thing bose offers trade ins. got the new pair at 60 bucks. one thing i love abt having older brothers - i still get presents even though i've started working and it's not my bday :D

i was just thinking, people are willing to splurge on different things. reflects the different personalities.

k enough of this. better take off my earphones and SLEEP. take them off, take them off, take them off......

Good Friday

2011-04-19T23:57:00.000+08:00

There was worship practice at church tonight for the Good Friday service. I love the arrangement of the songs. By that, I don't mean the musical arrangement, but the sequence of the songs, the meaning that is brought out through the songs.

Good Friday is a public holiday in remembrance of the day that salvation was brought upon human kind. the day that Jesus was hung on the cross, to be risen 3 days later.

I'm glad that this year our church is having a service on Friday morning. Jesus paid such a price for us, I think we should gather as a body of Christ to worship Him together, to remember His act of love. After all, unity of the church was very much on the mind of Jesus, as evidenced by His commandment to His disciples before His death -

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By ths all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (john 13:34,35)

this is the last song that we'll sing on Friday. we haven't sung this in a while, and the lyrics really touched me. I didn't find a version on youtube that fit the mood of the song, so here's just the lyrics:

我并不完美，也并不特别，而你却是为我舍弃生命的主；

我时常软弱，有时会迷惑，但你是道路真理和生命。

主你要往哪里走，我就跟你走，

领我走到世界尽头，一生不再回头；

让世界听到我们敬拜，我们的祷告，

让复兴从我们开始，将主爱带到人群中。

纵然有许多的问题，我也不放弃，

你大能赐给我勇气，我会勇敢走出去。

《勇敢走出去》，赞美之泉

2011-04-14T22:47:00.000+08:00

putting on weight costs money - in the form of new pants :S

n i'm learning guitar off an iphone app. going to buy a pick tomorrow!

weibo

2011-04-13T23:48:00.000+08:00

that's what i've been up to at work - posting on weibo and trying to get as many 'fans' as i can for the company's weibo account.

i never thought it'll be this hard to think of things to post. lines that will pique interest, topics that will get people's attention, while at the same time maintaining professionalism and being politically correct. not exactly my style :S

i've also been on twitter quite a bit, trying to take a leaf out of tweeters so i can work weibo better. and i realised that while obama has a little more than 7million followers on twitter, zhao wei has about 6 million on weibo! the lure of an actress seems to be greater than that of a politician. 人，好像都是八卦的。

it's interesting how my job scope has evolved in the two months that i've been working. It's even more interesting to see that God has been using me to introduce Him to my colleague. :) when i started work in Jan, my prayer to God was to let me talk to my colleagues about Him. although it hasn't been easy (it actually takes quite a bit of courage!) but there has been many divine opportunities.

on the downside though, my self discipline has gone down the hill since i started work. i've become more selfish w my afterwork hours, refusing to spend time reading the Bible and praying minimally. That has to change!

:) soldier on!!!

expensive brows

2011-04-09T01:28:00.002+08:00

went for my very first eyebrow trimming w meihui today. ten dollars each time, once a month, is going to cost $120 every year. it nv occurred to me that eyebrows would cost that much..

was supposed to meet chong yu, but he backed out last minute. i managed to exchange quite a number of sms-es with him though. it amazes me how hard a person's heart can be, and how deluded people can be. so many times, we don't realise how much we need God, and how rebellious we are being. reasons were given, but they were merely excuses.

all in all, the whole process and conclusion of it upset me so much that i didn't want to go home just yet. a lot of guilt, disappointment, rejection, sadness. so i decided to try my luck and ask meihui out. Thank God she was free - well not really. she had to go for an eyebrow trimming appointment, and i decided to tag along and got my brows done too.

did some shopping, talking about our future *ahem* and about the youths in our church.

it was good fun, and i felt much more encouraged at the end of the night. i'm quite a bit poorer now though, after spending on some cosmetics at the eyebrow place. but at least i'm not beating myself up over this now.

every person would have to answer to God for him or herself. including me. i've done what i can, but only God can convict the heart..

dinner

2011-03-15T22:18:00.001+08:00

i love dining w shi en meihui n ber! (and fang.. when she's in singapore) cos we'll always share all the main dishes and split the bill equally, which means everyone gets to try many dishes! :D

went back to summer breeze at pasir ris, since meihui liked that place from when we were there long time ago on a young adults outing..

the food was good! but, if i ever go back there again, i'll bring my own candles - don't like eating in the dark and not knowing how my food looks like! had to resort to shining my iphone at the food.

nonetheless, it was still a great sunday night out :D

Yesterday's DG gave me much food for thought - why do I serve? what are motivations? is it wrong to serve out of a need rather than a 'calling'? how would i answer someone when asked why did God allow such disaster to happen to Japan?

time to think.....

UGH

2011-02-27T21:45:00.001+08:00

please just get off my back about finding a boyfriend already
SERIOUSLY

happy things

2011-02-20T20:54:00.000+08:00

shall talk abt happy things. two things made my day today:

black swan w adora. amidst the covering of eyes and yelps and narrating and hair standing, it was time well spent indeed!

letter/post from she hui that made me cry!

on a sidenote, nv been good at submitting to authority, still am not gd at it.

超级舍不得

2011-02-19T23:26:00.000+08:00

my piano students :(

today was the second last lesson with them. :( during lessons today, I regretted tendering my resignation, because I really enjoy teaching these kids. but yet i know stopping to teach will allow me to spend more time at home and have more time for ministry also. not to mention that i don't foresee myself teaching there for another 6 years, which is the length of time needed to see all my current students finish grade 8.

天下无不散之宴席

it seems like every week there's someone who's asking me to stay on. today, another admin staff tried to persuade me to stay too. and one of my piano students sent me a message on fb that nearly sent me to tears.

went for the sonata dinner tonight at mandarin gallery. it was good food, but the company could have been better. if only pear was there! good thing wanguo was there. didn't realise Mrs Yeo had taken up my recommendation and hired him to teach at the new Tampines branch!

i met Debrah, the new teacher who's to take over my students, at the dinner tonight too. gave her a piece of paper on which I wrote the background and description of my students. as i wrote it in the train, it saddened me that i won't be the one teaching them piano anymore. i hope debrah will be a good teacher..

today, yule told me that teacher solomon, his previous piano teacher, always scolded him, and even scolded him 'bodoh' at times. tonight, I met that teacher at the sonata dinner. he seemed like a jolly guy and didn't come across as someone who'd say that to a child. maybe he thought they wouldn't know what that means, but yule did. he told me he knows it means stupid. and now i understand why he was so reluctant to play piano when he first started lessons with me. if you've been repeatedly told you were stupid while doing something, you probably won't like that something much, will you?

i'm glad to say no matter how fierce i might have been with them at times, it was always for good reason, and i have never made a personal attack on any of them. they're such dear children. hope i'll still be in contact with them through facebook or sth!

maybe one day, i might go back to teaching piano. or even open a piano school, as I've dreamt about.

maybe

thankful

2011-02-16T23:01:00.001+08:00

for all the pple that are able to let down their guard and share honestly and vulnerably with me. today, i learnt that not all so called good friends can do that.

thank God for the ones who really do. :) no pretenses, but honest sharing whether or not we know each other will like it.

she hui is number 1 in that. :) n i'm glad i've just thanked her in that in the birthday letter :D dabestclique is super good w that too. shooting our mouths off with each other cos we know that at the end of the day, even if the rest don't approve, we'll all still love and accept each other. yes we may chide and scold each other, but that's all part of loving, isn't it? i'll forever rem what jc wrote abt good friends being the ones who scold you for not bringing your umbrella out on a rainy day, then share their umbrella with you. :)

n the dg as well. am super thankful for adora. am so glad we have each other's back and can keep each other accountable. i love how the dg can share so honestly w each other, and ask each other hard questions, knowing we have each other's interests in mind.

there're many others, lanfang, pear, kaising, shi en, zhen, ting en, my small dg. i'll sound like this is the star awards if i go on abt each one. but these are all dear people to me. people who don't just say they're good friends, but show it in their willingness to let down their guard and let me in their lives, which in turn lets me let down mine too.

today i realised i thought wrongly abt one whom i thought was one of these friends.

learning to tame the tongue

2011-02-16T00:55:00.000+08:00

i guess saying what i really want to say in a roundabout and relatively nicer way is in a way taming the tongue? i know my words can be sharp. in fact, i think they're sharp most of the time. but the whole phrase things in a nice way so no one gets hurt thing just doesn't sit with my nature.

tonight, i tried. instead of the whole long sentence i typed out, what i really wanted to say was

what's wrong with you

there you go. i said it.

less words, more damage.

heartbreaking

2011-02-12T22:43:00.004+08:00

tonight i'm reminded of one of our birthday celebrations long time ago. the time that mei hui they all went to dim sum and i joined in later cos i had to stay back at church. it was a sunday too, and that sunday we had prayer meeting too. much like this time.

that day, after prayer meet, before ber and mh left for dim sum, the 3 of us prayed for you, with tears rolling down our cheeks.

i think there's a deeper reason than a simple 'don't feel like'. but yet i can't dig further without upsetting our relationship. a relationship that is extremely precious to me.

the same thing just happened tonight again. and everytime this happens, the sadness just eats at me. if this is breaking our hearts so much, i can't imagine how much it is breaking God's heart, for He loves you so much more than we do.

心疼，就是这种感觉吧。

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

today xinyi and yule's mother came to the centre, when usually her children come to class on their own. she came to persuade me to continue teaching. it's so hard to say no, especially she's so earnest, and genuinely wants me to teach her children. she said that they've shown improvement after being taught by me, and even asked if it was because she gave me too much pressure and made me want to quit. i told her no, and explained to her that i'd like more time for my family and friends, since i'm working from mon - fri. she said it won't be tiring for me, since there are people who work 7 days a week, or hold 3 jobs at one go. i don't deny that, but that's not what i want.

nonetheless, it was hard to tell her no, i've decided to stop teaching.

meaningful night

2011-02-12T00:56:00.000+08:00

i walked home w small smile on my face tonight :) not a mad grin, but a smile alright. :)

uber thankful for the HTHT tonight. and really thankful that one of my new year resolutions was fulfilled tonight. last year, in the new year resolutions we wrote out, there were 4 aspects. one of it was 与人的关系, and we had to write down the names of people we wanted to build relationships with. i wrote kaising's name, and tonight, i think the resolution was fulfilled. :)

it takes a lot of trust to share vulnerably. trust doesn't come easily, especially more so for some than for others, which is why i treasure tonight's sharing a lot :) i remember praying about this when i first wrote down my resolutions, but then i didn't diligently pray about it afterward. yet, in His time, in His way, tonight's sharing came about. heart to heart talk, indeed. the sort of htht that wells up the eyes and swells up the heart.

however, the most beautiful part of it, i feel, was submitting all of it in prayer at the end of it all, to our Heavenly Father.

tonight we also met up with Pastor David. Listening to him share about the developments at Crossroads, I see how God has blessed this ministry so greatly. although not many people from our cambodia missions team made it tonight, i think it was a great time spent with him nonetheless. thank God for pastor David's heart in building up Singapore churches through the mission teams sent to him, even when he's so busy with ministry over in Cambodia.

i can't help but remember the two questions that he asked us during our trip in Cambodia.
- how is your heart doing?
- what is God saying to you now?

these are hard questions, questions that reveal the truth of my walk with God. the first time he asked those questions, I was taken aback, because I hadn't thought about it before, and didn't know the questions to them. but these are essential questions i have to answer, even as i serve. ultimately, christianity is not just an institutionalized religion, as many may claim it to be. It is about us following Jesus Christ, simple as that.

The Lord is my Shepherd, do I hear His voice today? am i following His voice today?

great day

2011-02-11T00:37:00.003+08:00

met shi en, fang, mei hui, and ber for dinner at old airport road! as usual, lots of laughter :D :D
highlights of the night included en imitating pasam malam uncles' sales pitch and bursting into the 在梦里见到你song when we said sth lame abt lanfang dreaming of us, complete with voice fill ins and metal spoon accompaniment!

oh and they surprised me with a birthday cake! fang met me at 7.30pm first, while claiming that en and ber will both be late. mh was still at work. and then, at abt 8pm, en appeared, coming from the other exit, saying that ber said she'll be VERY late. and so we made our way away from the station. instead of taking the escalator, en very skillfully asked us to take the lift instead. she did in her usual lame convo way that i didn't suspect anything, but went along with her! then, right before we stepped out of the lift, she whispered to me 我们一起surprise lanfang. and as we stepped out, ber appeared out of nowhere with a birthday cake with lighted candles, and the 3 of us started singing the birthday song to lanfang. BUT, when the song reached the part with the person's name, they turned to me and sang my name instead! imagine my shock, since my birthday's more than a month ago now, and we've already had a combined celebration with shi en's birthday! nonetheless, it was a very pleasant surprise :D

before meeting them at 7.30, i had some time to myself since work ends at 6pm, so i popped over to esplanade to read my novel. and on my way there, i was reminded of how blessed i am. before starting work, i never thought that i could still go to the esplanade in the daytime, on a weekday. but yet, God has blessed me w this job which allows me to get off work on time!

i ran into an ex colleague of mine who's working in the ad industry a few days ago, on my way to school for dg with tal. that was at abt 6pm. and he said he was on his way back to the office after a shoot, while the execs were still having a meeting with the clients. n today, that conversation was brought to mind again, and it hit me that it is a great blessing to be holding the hours that i hold now. Thank God for that :)

anyway, i like these 2 pics taken at the esplanade. the random guy in the sunlight, and the book that i'm reading now!

random thought

2011-02-10T16:53:00.002+08:00

I almost laughed out loud to myself when this thought occurred to me in the common toilet at the office today: 人不管多美，大便还是臭的!! Shld be quite evident what inspired this huh! Heh heh

blessed

2011-02-06T22:02:00.000+08:00

finally spent some quality time w lanfang today :) at our (upgraded) 老地方. heh. refreshing time of sharing and praying for each other, as always! thank God for preserving this very precious friendship. :)

busy week ahead. big DG, small DG, wed free, thurs dinner w fang, mh, ber and en, and fri dinner w pastor david and our cambodia mission team. have to miss weekly friday night dinner w da ge :(

i have 3 more weeks to go before Saturdays are free again, after 2.5 years! it was hard breaking the news to the students, having to see the disappointment on their faces. and I'll miss them, for sure. but well, it means having more time for family and friends, to pick up driving, and after that piano diploma too.

and they're children. they'll probably forget me in a short while :) hopefully the teacher who takes over me will be good!

laughing

2011-01-29T00:39:00.002+08:00

i think laughter is an amazing thing created by God. n I thank God for surrounding me with people who can make me laugh, laugh at me, laugh with me :D

there's my family, the clique (n xian's super ultra contagious laughter), and en+fang+ber+mh, widad+ahkar+ellen (though we haven't met up in a long while), n many others.

but yesterday's shopping session w fang and en was super epic! laughed so hard we ended up coughing hahaha. first there was the recounting of en trying to set a date to go shoe shopping on 31DEC and wondering if shops open on new year's eve, then there was the serious discussion at one of the shops at bugis, where the shop keeper is hidden behind his wares n only the head is visible.

shi en: eee 这个很恶心！（pointing to the fake cockroach)
me: 没有我觉得这个比较恶！（pointing to the fake rat)
fang: 这个很恐怖！(picks up the fake millipede)
shi en: 这个比较恐怖！（pointing to the fake cockroach)
me: 这个比较恐怖！（pointing to the fake rat)
shi en: 这个最恐怖的！（pointing to the fake cockroach)
:
: (on and on we go)
:

me: *spies the shop keeper laughing at us*
me: *starts laughing to myself n nudge shi en* 不要讲了啦，那个uncle在笑我们！
all: laugh madly and quickly steps away from the stall

写在这里好像没有那么好笑了！lol but we really laughed super hard after that!

n yesterday i made my first purchase of a ring! it was too characteristic to resist. :D adora wld be proud that her love for rings spread a little to me after such a long time haha. according to the staff, it's handmade, from wood, and hand painted :)

ice cream :D

2011-01-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

two days in a row. SHIOK!!!
yesterday was at little ice cream kafe (aka lick) w the clique. had so much fun w them!!! :D :D :D

the kaya toast ice cream on the waffles was super shiok! but this photo is of sea salt caramel and some chocolate flavour though. but kaya was still my fav. attacked it as soon as it was set on the table, so no photo of that haha.

and tonight, had ben n jerry's strawberry cheesecake ice cream w myra n kim after dg. *happy*

ice cream is happy food

next eating place to try: with a pinch of salt! http://www.withapinchofsalt.com.sg/

quickly into the second week

2011-01-19T23:14:00.000+08:00

work has been good :) workload's not too heavy, and i like it that there's really proper work life balance. :D

but, it has been abit hard keeping the afternoon zzz monster away. after yest's karaoke session w the abit-unlikely-combination of pple, i knew i'd have to work extra hard to keep awake and productive today. and so in the morning, i took 鸡精, and after lunch got myself a cup of coffee from starbucks - actually i would have made do w normal coffee, but starbucks was the only convenient choice : /

anyway, succeeded in staying awake!

some happy things that've made work life pretty enjoyable -

big DG- honest sharing, as always. hard questions, sincere hearts :)

small DG- just uber glad to be involved in their lives and seeing God work in them :)

AMPed- singtel app that allows me to download free music!

k session- laughed so hard!

mummy saying 哇，乖啦 when i washed the plates tonight

but, i think the highlight of the week thus far was en randomly whatsapping me this pic of the hooks she bought, just cos she knew it'd make me laugh, for sure! :) i don't know why but it warmed my heart. very much. :D

so, here's the pic for all to enjoy!

Time

2011-01-15T12:16:00.002+08:00

我的时间难道就不是时间吗？but then again, they didn't ask me to cancel my commitment to meet them. I did it on my own accord. So why am I so bitter abt it?

简单的幸福

2011-01-14T00:55:00.000+08:00

每年的生日，最期待的就是收到施恩，美慧，bernice, 兰芳做的生日卡。虽然已经23岁了，可是那依旧是我最期待的。因为我知道我们做的生日卡不是乱盖的！是花了至少2，3个小时＋很多的心思＋创意做出来的！决不是一下子就随便搞定的。

今年的生日，生病了，可是却收到喜乐果子丸，哈哈。

感谢神放这几位可爱的姐妹在我的生命里，希望我们在老老的时候还会为彼此的生日下大大的功夫！

我们的下一个fb album，名字我想好了：唱到哑，笑到流泪，哭到怕

:D

矛盾

2011-01-09T00:29:00.000+08:00

time really flies. i've been teaching piano for 2 and a half years now! I'm really glad Pear introduced me to this teaching opportunity, which replaced the tuition i gave for a year.

before today, I'd already made up my mind to stop teaching, so as not to overwork myself. it was different when i was schooling - i had time! and i needed the allowance. but come Monday, i'll be a working adult (!!!) holding office hours mon-fri. which means only weekends left to rest/do other stuff substantially. Sunday will be taken by church, with service in the morn and youth ministry till at least 3pm. Saturdays, then, become really precious.

today, peiqin's mother asked me "Rebekah, 你毕业了啊，那你还会继续教吗？” she went on to say that I'm the best teacher that Peiqin had so far, and that she really wish that I'll continue to teach. She said her daughter even suggested to her to ask me to go their home on Sunday afternoons to teach instead, if I didn't want to teach on Saturday. Then, the admin staff added in saying that Germaine's mother told her that she'd actually wanted to hire a private teacher for Germaine at home instead, to save the trouble of bringing her to the centre. But, Germaine refused because she liked having lessons with me.

those kind words of Brenda and Peiqin's mother really touched me, and greatly shook my resolve to quit teaching.

i'm caught between wanting Saturdays to be free and continuing to teach the kids. I don't think I'm a great teacher, honestly. I don't even have a teaching diploma! But, I've really enjoyed teaching thus far, despite the frustrations of undone homework and lack of practice from the kids. I love it that I'm able to bring the joy of music to them, through piano.

this afternoon, i was caught in an awkward situation w the parent. Luckily, Brenda spoke for me, saying that from the viewpoint of a parent, she wouldn't want her daughter to overwork too. The best answer I could give them was that I'll wait till work has started to gauge if I can handle teaching, on top of a full time job.

sigh. now, i'm really glad I didn't take on private students. I can't imagine how I'd answer the parents, telling them to go look for another teacher just cause I'd graduated. At least with the music school, I'm sure there'll be someone to take over me..

JAPAN (ultra long post!)

2011-01-04T18:41:00.002+08:00

back safe and sound, but down with flu and cough. it started with a sore throat on the plane cos it was too dry, then as I went for crusade camp, sherm's party, countdown, bbq, it quickly became cough and flu.

the japan trip was good, though it wld of course have been better if myra hadn't gotten bitten in vietnam. here're some snapshots from the trip!

day1: touch down at Narita, and found our way to Sakura Hostel Ikebukuro. This accommodation cost us 3200yen per bed in a 6-bed female dorm. we then went off to Shinjuku, where we just roamed around and went to the metropolitan building for night view. BUT, thing about metropolitan building was that it was fully enclosed, so we were separated from the view by the glass panel, which discounted the experience.

Then, on to day 2! went to church at Roppongi, then went to Ginza, and then Harajuku, hoping to catch the cosplay people. but, we went to the 'wrong' part of harajuku, and so didn't manage to see any of those cosplay people! good thing was, we found H&M and Forever21 :D H&M is ex there though, so we only bought stuff from forever 21.

Day 3 was super tiring. I've never walked so much in my life! early in the morning (4.30am), we went to Tsukiji Fish Market. I forgot my JR pass, and we had to go back and get it! :S then, we went to Shibuya, for supposedly good shopping. But, the stuff there were all so ex, we ended only buying at this shop called 3coins, where everything cost 300yen (good deals!!)

then, it was off to Harajuku again, this time to the correct stretch, but no cosplay people were in sight, cos they only come out on Sunday. my camera ran out of battery, so i don't have any photos of the Meiji shrine (at Harajuku too). Nonetheless, it was a pretty walk into the shrine. Quiet, with soft light coming in through the surrounding trees :)

Day 4 was spent at Disneyland - SUPER FUN!!! the rides weren't particular nerve wrecking, but the visuals were fantastic. simply fantastic. the rides were more fun than scary, especially the ones such as the monster inc and pooh bear ones. I just grinned my way through the rides!!! :D

Day 5: we travelled to Osaka, where we stayed at Shin-Osaka - the awesomest stay at Japan! we had a whole room to ourselves heh. and it was clean, and there was free water/tea and even a piano. it was 3300 yen per night, totally worth the money. Only drawback was that there was a curfew at 12midnight, at which time the showers would be closed too. But, they were nice enough to have not chased us out when we overshot the time. OH and we had a free caricature done by a volunteer at the hostel! pics w adora though. The old man who drew for us holds a job as a graphic designer, and drawing is his hobby!

We went to Namba for some shopping after checking in, and then met Ning Nong, Adora's contact from Gen12 Osaka for dinner. Great company, great food!

on to day 6: we went Shrine visiting in Kyoto (making full use of our JR pass) The hostel staff recommended Kamigano Shrine, but the one that we liked more was Kiyomizu Temple. I loved the old streets that led up to the temple. Kyoto is a really beautiful place :)

night time was then spent at Hep Five at Umeda, where we took neoprints! (twice) and had a good dinner :)

day 7: off to Kyoto again, this time to visit Arashimaya!

night time, we went to the church that the gen12 osaka team stayed at for a christmas event that they had.
We had awesome conversation with the stinter Aram, who treated us to coffee after the event. It was my first time listening to Japanese carols!!

Day 8: Christmas day! we went back to Tokyo, and checked in at Anne Asakusabashi. Though we had a 3-bed private room, the sound insulation was non existent, so it wasn't a very pleasant stay as our room was right beside the common dining area and their reception area. we also had to lug our luggage all up and down stairs to get to the place, as the JR asakusabashi station had no escalator/lifts! the tatami was very comfortable though :D

Anyway, after checking in, we went to Odaiba, which has awesome shopping, and a fantastic view :D

Day 9: in an attempt to make full use of our JR pass, we went to Yokohama in the morning (to find that there's nothing interesting there..), to Tokyo to check out the Imperial Palace (didn't get to see the famous East Gardens as it was too far a walk and it was starting to get dark), and then to Shinjuku (for Adora to get the Polaroid). We really exhausted our JR pass!

Day 10: what better way to end our trip than with Disneysea!!! the rides at Disneysea were more exciting, but I prefer the happy vibe and energy at Disneyland. i'm glad we got to go to both in the end!

and then, finally, we head home!! had a last lunch in Japan at a small shop tucked behind the asakusabashi station that was recommended by one of the hostel staff. food was a bit too salty, though i loved the traditional feel of the place. Then, finally, great view of a sunset at the airport to mark the end of the trip!!!

japan!

2010-12-18T02:21:00.000+08:00

excited as i am, am abit concerned too. was supposed to be there w two of my dg mates, adora and myra. but myra got bitten by a stray dog in vietnam and is getting vaccinations against rabies now. so, it's just adora and i. i know we'll still have a blast, but it's no doubt more dangerous now that it's just two of us.

so, please pray for our safety, thank you!

now to catch half an hour of slp before jetting off :D

will be back on the 28th, but there'll be crusade camp from 29-30th!

同工啊

2010-12-12T01:18:00.000+08:00

你快点回来呀。。。。

note to self: do not judge, do not judge, do not judge. God doesn't look at people's competency levels and capabilities. He looks at the heart. So, you shouldn't judge people by those yardsticks too, ok?????

compassion, where art thou???

♥

2010-11-27T00:50:00.000+08:00

Saw this on she hui's blog, and loved it enough to have copied it down. i like the pin-hole effect on the lx5 :) can't wait to read the manual and figure out to use it properly!

there goes my pay

2010-11-24T19:46:00.000+08:00

finally made the purchase after much deliberation!!! went on multiple photography/hardware websites and forums and finally decided on a brand new panasonic lx5. :D

i was half grinning on my way home just now heh

now, i need to learn more abt photography so as to do this camera justice. its fully manual, which means i'm able to tweak the settings as i wish. which means i need to experiment and educate myself on camera settings. that'll be fun :D

that said, finally discussed the details of my future job w the boss just now. n i realised that this blog showed up as part of the google alert for the company name. so scary. the boss was kind abt it when he mentioned it to me, but it's still embarrassing and abit unsettling. shld be more careful abt what i post in the future. or maybe make the blog a private one.

anyway, here's a picture of a great lumix camera taken by another lumix camera (albeit one that is alot less zai)

ps thanks to siang kim and kelly for advice n suggestions!

no sense of urgency

2010-11-22T00:14:00.001+08:00

seeing that these two exams i have to sit for won't affect my gpa much anymore (nth's gg to revive it at this point :P),

n seeing that i've gotten a job (decided to go back to g),

there's almost no motivation to revise at all :S

been watching tv and surfing the net about cameras (plus a whole afternoon at lower pierce reservoir :D)

i should start studying! after all, it's the last in smu already. must find the discipline to study.....

exam welfare pack

2010-11-20T20:16:00.000+08:00

it's my last exams! past sems, i used to give notes/chocolates etc for my lil dg to encourage them. But this sem, i didn't do anything. BUT, claud and soph gave me stuff instead! came as a pleasant surprise. first it was claud's during jump, then it was soph's that came through the mail!!! :D

反而我由一点惭愧，没有为她们做些什么. nevertheless, felt v loved! :):):)

fruit of the spirit

2010-11-15T00:45:00.001+08:00

i think God just scolded me through quiet time. earlier tonight, my mother asked me what time i was going out tomorrow, and i got impatient w her. she's got a habit of asking when i will leave the house, n i don't understand why she does that. but anyway, that's no reason to be rude.

and then, i decided to be lazy tonight and not read Isaiah for quiet time tonight, but read a devotional Lindy gave me before. and guess what it was about - fruit of the spirit

"what sort of fruit have you seen in your actions lately?" *ouch

"In Galatians 5:22-23 the apostle Paul lists these godly habits- 'the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.' All nine fruit stand together and make up your walk with God. They are like a string of Christmas lights - with many lights that all light up at once when plugged into the electrical socket. But if one bulb goes out, the entire string goes out. That's how God's fruit is borne in your life. Not one of them can be missing, and all must be evident - be lit up - to be God's fruit."

One of the most intuitive explanations i have read about the fruit of the spirit.

I guess when God speaks, He's not restricted by the medium. like the song 展开清晨的翅膀 that i chose for worship today: there's no hiding from Him!

a series of last(s)

2010-11-12T01:10:00.002+08:00

today was the last presentation and class at SMU ever. as in, really EVER. i will nv sit through another 3 hour seminar again, no more project meetings in school, no more presentations in school. n i don't feel too sad abt that, though i think i'll miss going for project meetings, setting meeting slots, classes, surfing the net during classes, and the list goes on.

today went to family KTV for cheap (but good!) karaoke w my project mates. if only i'd met them earlier! they'll be great friends to do other projects with, and we're all the same frequency. oh well, at least one sem w them is better than none. then we headed to spizza, where we stuffed ourselves w pizza and calamari. good food!!

still in the midst of applications for jobs, hopefully something interesting comes along. not sure if i want to take on the offer from g yet. hmmm. but the end of nov is coming, n i need to give L an answer sooonnn

see how la.

tmr will be the last jump. that will be harder to get through :S

melancholy

2010-11-09T13:02:00.003+08:00

yesterday was the last monday i'll spend at sch studying. next week is break week to prepare for exams, and after that will be exams. so this week is the last week of lessons!

and also the last week of dg. didn't expect myra to be so emo! (quote: if sch were a function, dg would be the constant *aww* :D) really thank God for this DG. if not for them, i wouldn't have grown up so much. we've journeyed with each other for the whole 3.5 years (myra and adora), listened to each other's struggles, prayed for each other, and seen how God has worked in our lives. n there's sj and kim that joined us late, but yet we could share honestly and vulnerably even though we haven't known each other for v long. pray that this relationship will be preserved even when we enter the workforce. what will i do without DG??!! :( and i'm looking forward to the japan trip w the two of them!!!!

then later in the chi class, the prof cried when she shared about her personal experiences in the cultural revolution. this is the first time i have heard about it from the horse's mouth, so to say, after having read quite a bit about it. it's a sad story to tell, and i'm so glad she shared it w us. the cultural revolution just came to life before me, and is no longer just history that i read about.

in the evening, i met ling, and it struck me that that'll be the last time i see her in sch, after being in the same school since 2001, and classmates since sec 3. i will miss her. :(

so many :( in this post.

i like being a student. a lot. even though it means i'm poorer, but i don't mind. the luxury of waking up late, sleeping late, going out in the middle of the day, going for DG, and just time. just having time. though school can be crazy sometimes, it still gives me a lot more flexibility with my time than working does.

argh i should stop this. the more i talk like that, the worse i'm going to feel. at least i'm going to be having a blast in dec before i start work! :D

how are you

2010-11-06T14:29:00.000+08:00

is it just singaporeans or are pple of other nationalities like that too?? when asked 'how are you?', the conversation ends with 'i am fine' if there're no other follow up questions.

maybe our english lessons in school should teach more responses to 'how are you' than just 'i am fine, how about you?/ thank you'

oh wait we have one other answer to that question, and that is 'ok lor'

taming the tongue

2010-10-29T00:13:00.002+08:00

This came to mind today:

³When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. ⁴Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. ⁵Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. ⁶The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

⁷All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, ⁸but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

⁹With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. ¹⁰Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. ¹¹Can both fresh water and salt^[a] water flow from the same spring? ¹²My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

James 3: 3-12

love from sue jen, through the post

2010-10-26T16:20:00.000+08:00

guard your heart

2010-10-26T16:10:00.001+08:00

Now I know why L's advice to me at the end of my internship was to guard my heart.

got a call from a financial consulting firm asking me to go for an interview tmr. The money's bound to be good.. VERY good. and I wavered, and told them yes i'll be there for the interview tomorrow. But after an hour, i just didn't feel at peace. why did i say yes? was it just for the money? and the answer to myself was yes, it's just for the money.

and so, i told them i won't take this on.

i didn't know i'll be so easily wavered by money.

now i know.

flowerpod

2010-10-26T15:35:00.000+08:00

I made my first post on an internet forum today. Got a call from this place called JL & Associates asking me to go for an interview tmr. But the name sounded so unfamiliar, so I went to check my application history, and realised that I hadn't applied to any place like that. I googled the add, #06-01 Delfi Orchard JL Associates and found a thread on flowerpod discussing this! Apparently, many other pple have gotten the same call, but the company name was always different. and the other people who posted in the forum said it's an insurance company, and they too got called even though they hadn't applied for the job.

Thank God I found the thread. I was so happy to find out abt this 'scam' that I contributed my share to the thread too. :D

tried to call back to say I won't go for the interview, but the line's engaged all the time. Guess they'll know when I don't turn up tomorrow.

frustrations of a parent

2010-10-21T22:18:00.001+08:00

i know that the primary school exams are nearing when i hear this from my room. not from my home, but from some other apartment.

爸爸每天都很早起身

爸爸每天都很早身起

爸爸。。。。

I WANT YOU TO READ OUT ALL THE COMBINATIONS AND SEE WHICH ONE IS THE MOST CORRECT ONE. YOU UNDERSTAND OR NOT????

credit to the father for actually spending time revising with the child - many parents can't be bothered. but when the 'coaching' gets so loud that the neighbours can hear, something's not right eh?

my sis in law

2010-10-19T23:20:00.000+08:00

i'm really blessed to have such a sweet sister in law. most of the time she knows more stuff about me than my bro does. sheesh. maybe cos she spends more time home than my bro. seeing that my sis in law married my bro when i was in p5, she sort of saw me grow up too heh. but nevertheless, i think it's really a blessing to have her in our family. and thank God that we all get along so well together! even though dramas always portray terrible tensions between mother in laws and daughter in laws, and between the wife and the husband's sister, i'm thankful there's no such drama in our home, even though we all live together under one roof.

while grandparents typically spoil their grandchildren, i think my parents score full marks as grandparents heh.

anyway, what inspired this post was that my sis in law bought a Tokyo travel guide for me :) i only announced the Japan plans last night over dinner, and today she bought the guide for me!! so sweet heh.

AND I AM EXCITED ABOUT JAPAN!!!

the photo is taken against the backdrop of my world politics readings, which tells two things:

1) I'm doing my readings!
2) i'm distracted from the readings heh

AND, another happy thing, things between me and a dear dear friend have been resolved. :)

now all looks well. i just have to get the readings done and get started on the essay. full day ahead tmr!

darwin's nightmare

2010-10-18T19:34:00.000+08:00

we watched this in World Politics class today, and though i'm now in the comfort of my room, the images remain in my mind.

here's a link to a summary of what the film was about http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/1620/darwin-s-nightmare/

children with no food to eat, people literally blinded by the dangerous ammonia gas that was emitted from the dead fish they processed for a living. a young girl roaming and sleeping in the streets with fear of being raped by older boys, because she has no one to care for her.

it was heart wrenching to watch, and I thought to myself, if God gave me the money, I would help. i would give it to them.

capitalism, in all its glorious theory, has led to devastating lives. these people work in the factories that export fishes to the european union countries for such paltry wages that they don't have enough money to buy food for themselves, let alone buy the fishes to puto on their tables. they are deprived of the food source that is at their very doorstep. they work on these fishes in the factories, but don't get to eat them, and are starving in hunger everyday. but if not capitalism, then what? would another social/economic order have prevented this?

and in the middle of the film, the prof gave out our mid term papers. i got a C-. the friends next to me got F and D-. I was crushed, and worried for my grades. but when my eyes returned to the screen, i thought, why the heck am I worrying about my grades, when those poor kids are worrying about their survival.

Tanzania, a country with such beautiful landscape, but such difficult lives. what is it that i can do?

JAPAN

2010-10-18T01:25:00.000+08:00

here we come!! exciting. going to japan!!!

we initially planned for taiwan/australia, and didn't even consider japan cos we thought it'll be too ex. but then, today at natas, we somehow found that it's actually more worth it to go Japan.

1248 for 7 days Taiwan tix + accom
1100 for 10 days Japan tix (no accom, no tour)

it just doesn't seem worth it to be spending over a thousand for taiwan.

:D really looking forward to the trip w adora and myra! Good thing there's them to go w me on grad trip!!

discovery weekend

2010-10-16T23:02:00.000+08:00

Thank God for committed crusaders - staff and alumni alike that are committed to growing younger crusaders. over this weekend, I was really touched by the honest sharing of the staff/alumni that taught us about discovering the will of God for the graduating students.

one of the campus staff had just been diagnosed with cancer, yet she still came and shared with us about seeking God's will. She said, we have to believe that God's will is for the good of us. If the same words were coming out of someone else's mouth, the impact wouldn't have been half as great. But, there she was, in her twenties, a full time servant of God, struck with cancer. yet, she could tell us with such conviction to believe that the will of God is for the good of us. That heart of faith is truly beautiful...

another campus staff shared so honestly about the struggles she faced in the journey of serving God in full time ministry. i think what i witnessed this weekend was truly vulnerability in sharing, and I thank God for them.

and through this DW, I think I've sorted out my own thoughts too. we had to share within small groups, and it helped me pull my thoughts together.

at the back of my mind, i think i always subconsciously thought that 'secular' work was lesser than 'christian work'. I thought I was ready to do more for God, probably in missions. I wanted to fulfill a 'greater' purpose in my life than just working. and that explains why i've been putting off the job applications, even though i'm only 6 weeks away from finishing school. I was waiting for God to call me to 'full time ministry'. But yet, till now, He didn't call.

at church, we learnt about the example of Moses, about how God didn't call him when he was young and able and had great confidence. instead, God called him when he was old and lost all confidence in his own ability. i thought at that time that probably God was trying to show me that He has His timing, which might not be determined by what I think I can do for Him. But still, I wasn't sure if that was 'God's will for me', and continued to just sit on applications.

the sharing at DW once again reinforced that there's no differentiation between secular and christian work. they dispelled myths about working in the marketplace. people working in the marketplace are not second class citizens compared to full time christian workers.

i think it's time for me to accept that at this point in time, God hasn't called me to 'full time ministry'. maybe in the future, who knows. admittedly, i would love to say oh God called me and placed a great burden in me to serve in a particular ministry. i think i somehow view that as more glorious than just going to work in the marketplace. it sort of hurts the ego a bit, to know that God hasn't called me to that more 'glorious' option. and i enjoy myself a lot more when i'm serving in church than when i'm working. and to me, actually ministry is an easier way out. it's my comfort zone actually, as compared to the working world.

which is why discovery weekend was really a gem. i was once again reminded that before I seek God's will, I first have to be obedient. even when the answer is something I view as a less attractive option.

i shared with the group that my action step is to actually get started on my job applications. a bit heavy hearted, but I'm learning to be obedient.

our God is faithful

2010-10-12T22:02:00.001+08:00

God answered my family's prayer. we've been praying about this for the longest time, for almost 7 years now. today, the prayer was answered. many other strongholds still need to be broken, but this is a first step. a big big first step.

thank you Lord :)

this is the happiest piece of news so far, really got me literally jumping for joy, and brought a silly grin on my face, and brought tears to my eyes! Praise the Lord!!

unusual day

2010-10-02T02:21:00.001+08:00

it's 2am now, and i should be slping.

was up since 8.30am today, went for a P&G lunch n learn event. it was really informative and fun! learnt quite a bit. n i think it'll be a really great company to work for. shall start applications in the coming week. see if can get through to the interviews!

then i went to sch for lessons, and after that got Red Mango w dear Adora before Jump. short time of catchup that was much appreciated. it amazes me each time we can share so honestly and so deeply immediately. no beating round the bush, small talk, general talk, whatever you call it. we know each other that well :)

after that was Jump. the Jump turnout has increased so much since i was yr 1!!! EXCITING. n i felt like an antique. i introduced myself to the year 1s and when they heard i was yr4, they had this taken aback look hahaha.

and then i went to have drinks w colleagues from G. went to NUSS guildhouse, and had half a bottle of beer. we used to hold the Rock it meetings at nuss guildhouse, so i was reminded of the rockit days. it's been 2 years!! it was tremendous fun, but it was also so demanding that i rem i was mia and cldn't help adora w the camp preparations in the end..

right after that, on the way home, my heel (as in, the 'stiletto' end of the shoe, not my feet heel) stopped the escalator. !!!! it just sort of got stuck (i don't know how) and it got kiap-ed right when I was going to step off the escalator, and it jammed the whole escalator. after much effort, i un-jammed it, but the escalator remained stationary :( time to buy new heels!

and in the train on the way home, there was this old man that was standing right next to the reserved seat, which was occupied by a young malay man prolly in his late twenties. the man looked tired, but i thought the old man needed the seat more. and so i went up to the man and asked if he could give up his seat to the old man. which of course he did, it was the reserved seat after all :) i've always wanted to, and thought of doing sth like that, but never did. this is a first :D good thing he didn't get mad and punch me or sth..

well last item of the day was to watch 命中注定我爱你. i know i'm quite lag but it's a good show!!! better late than never haha. love it. n love the fact that i'm watching it w my 60year old mother. bonding over TV :D

well that's my day in a nutshell. a not-so-small nutshell...

ikea tmr w pear after piano lessons! yay! next week will be exciting. need to finish all the readings for the chi mod, have got SM meet, DG day out, project meetings, outing with en (YAY!!!), supper w adora /xj/josh/rach at chomp chomp.

but right now the thing i'm most looking forward to is this:

sleep :)

refreshed

2010-09-25T00:31:00.000+08:00

tonight's band prac was really fun. and refreshing. it felt like we were fellowshipping on top of practicing. there was lots of laughter too!

worshipping God in songs is refreshing. recharged to work hard in the weekend! between now and next thursday i have 2 midterms, 1 quiz, and 2 reports due. crazy, but with Christ in the vessel, I can smile at the storm.

sidenote, here's a joke that Chun told us. i think it's much funnier when she tells it, but here it is anyway:

老婆：老公，我很爱你
老公：嗯，我也是
老婆：你也是什么？
老公：我也是很爱我自己

!!!

I think chun's 恩赐 is 搞笑 hahaha.

week 7

2010-09-23T01:06:00.001+08:00

is not much fun.
but well, i think recess week will be quite interesting. have a date w shi en, but don't know what're we doing yet. looking forward!

i'm nearly halfway into the sem. which means i only have half a sem more at smu :( which also means i need to seriously look for other jobs apart from what G has offered. i will miss DG - adora in particular. n the life of a student. nehmind shall not dwell on it now.

on a more random note, i'm gg to eat red mango frozen yogurt tmr since 'll be at suntec :D that should make me happier!

SCARY

2010-09-16T23:58:00.000+08:00

human beings are creatures of irony. or maybe it's just me. during internship i was so looking forward to school life - being able to go out in the day, going cycling/jogging/swimming in the day, hanging out at home etc. all the perks of being a student.

BUT, now that it's week 5, things are abit scary actually. this time round things are getting due earlier in the sem than before. last time i used to be the slack one while adora rants abt sch in the early weeks. the good old days.

mon there's the chinese proj due, which is only about halfway done now. and i kinda regret volunteering to compile the slides using keynote. it's such a pain transferring the stuff from ppt to keynote.

then next week there's one quiz, and the week after, 3 midterms - nego, strat, and world politics. all readings heavy mods. out of which, i have only been diligently reading for world politics. nego and strat were sadly neglected. next week i'll be bearing the consequences for having slacked off in the beginning of the sem.

i've nv learnt to work hard in the beginning of the sem. now that it's my last sem, i'm still suffering the consequences of procrastinating. i guess it's true that for some lessons, some people just never learn :P

so, i decided to dig out a happy photo to cheer myself up. how i wish i were back there!

me time

2010-09-04T00:24:00.000+08:00

i don't know why but i just felt an overwhelming need for some time alone this afternoon. and so i gave jump a miss and cycled to lower pierce reservoir. Been wanting to do that for eons, but nv got around to doing it. until today.

only regret was that I took so long to get there that I didn't have much time to spend there before heading home for dinner. shall make another trip there soon. really need to exercise more. and i shld have brought a camera.

but still, it was a well spent late afternoon :D this place is even better than the seletar reservoir and yishun dam. peace and quiet.

and yesterday was a FUN night out w the clique. one reason i love them so much is because around them, i don't have to thread on eggshells. things are so much more fun when we can be completely honest with each other and say just what's on our minds. none of us is the ultra sensitive, fragile, easily hurt type. (even mich) joking around and poking fun at each other in good humour is our strength :D

more of these outings please!!

Unity in Christ

2010-08-29T22:17:00.000+08:00

谢谢张传道一直提醒我，牧师也是人

through the imperfections of one, I experienced the love of many brothers and sisters in Christ. last night, after complaining to God, i was giving thanks for each of these bro and sis, and God's grace was just abundantly clear, and it touched me so much that the tears flowed more than when I was complaining to God.

Thank you Lord

the one who causes growth

2010-08-28T00:02:00.000+08:00

recently I've been learning that the one who causes growth is not us, but rather God. We can only plant, water, but it God that gives the growth.

a few months ago, maybe even more than half a yr back, (i can't rem v well) yu xi and chi yuan stopped coming to church. chi yuan has been mia since, not replying to calls/sms/msn. yu xi was still in contact w me, but did nt want to come back to church nor cont bible study w me outside of church.

but a few mins ago, i just received an sms from her (after at least a few mths of no contact!), saying she wants to come to church this sunday with a friend, can? i was really elated to get that sms from her!

to be completely honest, I'd stopped actively praying for her and chi yuan. there was a period where i prayed for them at least once a week, sometimes even everyday. but as they drifted away, my stamina in that aspect depleted.

but, God is faithful, despite my shortcomings. I'm so glad that God's work is not dependent on what we humans can do for Him..

I don't know if Yu Xi eventually will come on Sunday, or if she will keep coming or fall away after that. But, God has shown me that indeed it is He who causes the growth.

I think one of the most exciting parts about walking w God is when Bible knowledge moves from the head to the heart. :) and i suppose this is a much needed reinforcement of the word as one of my dg girls has requested to stop DG. the heart is heavy, and I'm worried for her, but now I know better than to worry, for it is God that causes the growth. :)

worship

2010-08-27T00:08:00.000+08:00

as i'm preparing for sunday's worship, I was reminded of God's grace and His faithfulness. Even though we fail Him again and again, sin again and again, yet He still extends grace towards us. In the OT it is written in Isaiah that God will not listen to the Israelites' prayer because they were sinning against Him. yet today, we only have to confess our sins, and the fellowship with God is restored.

Thank God

May the songs on Sunday minister to brothers and sisters in christ as much as it has ministered to me in the midst of preparation.

smu ccc

2010-08-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

i'm really thankful for smu ccc. and also thank God for zhen, who asked me to start a bible study with her in nj, which opened my eyes to what could be done for God in the context of school, and planted the idea of ministry in sch in my heart.

crusade's been my feeding ground for the past 3 years. i've grown much through crusade. the examples of fellow students who love God a lot and are willing to sacrifice time and effort to serve Him were, and are, still my encouragement. pple like merv with his heart of prayer, ying xian with her heart for international students, and adora who so faithfully perseveres in ministry despite disappointments are really inspiration for me. not to mention lindy, who has taught us much truth from the bible, and has spent so much time faithfully discipling us.

this sm retreat, i learnt abt coaching. we asked ourselves some hard questions, and i also learnt to question beyond the surface to get to the root problem. i also learnt that to be a discipler, the most important thing is to stay rooted to the vine. the philosophy of a happy branch: no branch in nature is trying to force a fruit out. it is a natural process, and you never see a branch wriggling and fidgeting to try to squeeze a fruit out. similarly, all we have to do as branches, is to stay rooted to the vine, and the nutrients will flow and fruits will grow. there's no need to fidget, no need to be anxious, no need to force fruits.

i know i've been harping on the fact that this is my last sem quite a lot (as adora keeps asking me not to say alrd :P). but there was really a strong sense of nostalgia during the retreat. as much as i got to know the new SMs more, like peizhi/christabel, and even annabel, the fact that this could be my last sm retreat was lingering at the back of my mind. crusade was the place i met dear sisters whom i have laboured alongside and had countless HTHT with. it was the place that fed me much, if not most, of my spiritual food. when i think abt having to be 'self sufficient' when i leave crusade, it scares me a little..

being back at kum yan methodist church again also brought back other memories. kum yan was the first place that i had contact with ccc, at the freshmen camp - the prayer labyrinth and peter's walk really brought me much closer to God than I had been.

i'm v glad for crusade cos i don't have to be the D type person in this context, cos everyone else has much initiative and are willing to do stuff and serve much too. not having to be the D person is a welcome change.

though crusade's a time consuming commitment, with two DG slots, Jump, and now possibly Gap, i don't regret any bit of it, cos without it, i wouldn't have grown so much.

movements everywhere, so that every student knows someone who truly follows Jesus!

last day at work

2010-08-06T23:26:00.002+08:00

this summer holiday, I learnt much about God. I experienced His providence through my internship search. I experienced how His ways are higher than my ways.

and then in the preparation for the mission trip, He showed me how He can sustain my body. despite the late nights and insufficient sleep, He kept me healthy.

through the whole internship, I felt God's grace so so so abundantly. The wonderful colleagues, a fantastic boss, two patient+fun+understanding project managers to work under.

today, i gave them a hand-made thank you card and a muffin each. and my boss called me in to have a last talk. I am deeply grateful for him as a boss, for i think it is rare to get a boss who is man that truly fears God. Christian leadership in the marketplace is often preached but not that often practiced. but through him, i have seen how it is practiced. He left me with a verse:

Proverbs 4: 23
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

the heart was heavy as I left the office today. i wonder if i'll ever get to work in such a fantastic place again. they said their doors are always open to me. which essentially means that i've secured myself a job if i want to go back there to work. but, i don't know what it is that God wants me to do yet.

i don't really like uncertainty. but i guess if everything was certain, there'd be no place for faith.

last week to go

2010-08-01T21:37:00.007+08:00

i have only one last week at internship! I really thank God for the opportunity for work at G. He gave me fantastic colleagues and regular hours, on top of the one week leave to go for the mission trip.

i think this is not the best platform to share abt the trip, but in a nutshell, i learnt that whatever God builds, man cannot destroy. and that God works beyond our circumstances. He's all powerful, almighty, and above all our ways and imagination. yes, he can work through man's programmes and games etc, but he can work without them too. just cos he is God. He's a God that has victory over darkness!

last week g gave the interns (yk and i) a farewell 'party'. they got a bear for me and a cushion for yk, with the company name as well as the names of our colleagues on them. they also gave us a card each.

in my card, the boss wrote, may the favour of God continue to be with me. when i read that, I was deeply touched, and I thought that was the best thing my boss could have wrote for me. I know that he is a man who fears and worship God, from the things i've heard from my colleague. but the reason his note touched me was because his message was proof that God had answered my prayer. When I started on this internship, my prayer to God was that His favour be with me - I asked him to help me efficient with what I had to do, and to bless my work at G so that those around me would know that the favour of God was with me. and then the thought sort of got thrown to the back of my mind as I got used to the work there. but, when I saw L's note on the card, I knew that God had answered my prayer.

:) after the last week at internship, there'll be mon and tues free, then sm meet, and then back to school. my last sem at smu. I hope it will be a well spent one. I hope that God will use this final sem of mine to make a deep impact on the girls i take for DG. i was going to say my disciples, but i think that's nt v right, for we're all disciples of Christ..

and then, there's the question of what to do after I graduate. praying abt it now, yet to get an answer. i'll see what God leads me to...

a week more to go

2010-07-12T00:23:00.002+08:00

after a week of late nights, the slides for the skit is finally done! and i've been reminded that in the event that it doesn't get used due to unforeseen circumstances, i'm to face it with joy and thanksgiving still. and i think i'm ready for that, despite all the hard work put in :) i think la. haha. God is sovereign in all circumstances

i was telling my mother just now that i feel like staying up to watch the world cup finals, since it's the FINALS after all, and world cup only happens once every 4 years. but she was strongly against the idea. she said if i weren't going for a mission trip, she wouldn't have bothered. in her words, 你要去事奉神，就要把最好的给神，不是弄到自己没有精神的去事奉神。and i think she's right. time and again, i've seen the meaning of 敬畏耶和华是智慧的开端 through my parents. even though they aren't highly educated - my mum stopped at Pri 6 and my dad at Pri 3, but time and again they've shown me much wisdom, as well as obedience to God. the occasional conflicts aside, i'm really thankful for them :)

and so, i've decided to not watch the finals, and get some much needed rest. and thank God, my throat's better after the bbq (miraculously!)

and today, i got thinking abt this issue again.

it takes ages and much effort to build up trust. a close friendship is hard to come by, is a result of much effort, and is hugely rewarding and heartening. but yet, the trust can be easily broken. one phrase that betrays the thought behind it is all it takes. and once that is broken, things aren't the same anymore. （‘这棵树我不想再施肥’，我明白这个心情，因为我现在也在考虑要不要继续为那棵树施肥。要选择再次信任，非常难。）

this is a funny feeling. i'm not upset over this, not angry over this. at least not anymore. but just deliberating my next step with careful thought. should i cont to 掏心掏肺？or just give up on it? i know i said before that it's too precious and i've put too much effort into it to just give it up. but now, i'm thinking if it is actually worth putting in more effort. if its an investment that's not making money, why bother throwing more cash into the black hole?

friends? sure. conversation, sharing? sure. but to 掏心掏肺? i'm not so sure..

on the other hand, a talk at the dam, a short catchup during lunch/bread was :)

for now, i shall just concentrate on the upcoming trip.

last sem

2010-07-06T01:24:00.000+08:00

this is the very last time i'll have to bid for classes. after that, no more bidding! YAY!

but this also gets me thinking abt how to spend my last sem, what to do w my DG. it's the last few months i have w them before graduating. hopefully the last sem will be a meaningful one :)

pray for lives to be changed, mine included.

had a fruitful time of discipleship w ting en today. :) then went to the airport to receive fang. dunno how things will be from this point onwards...

time is really in great demand. essentially there's only tues and wed to get the ppt for the skit done. cos thurs there's worship dept meeting, and fri there's worship rehearsal. and i've to plan for the worship sessions in the camp too. supposed to lead 5, yet to plan any one of them. and i haven't read through the bible study and qt material yet. need to sit down and really prepare for the bible study and qt sessions.

next week i'm going to go home everyday after work if i can. hopefully i can. otherwise i'll nv be able to finish the things i'm supposed to do... i was so excited to be able to on the mission trip this summer hols, but now w the pile of work to do and insufficient slp, some of that enthusiasm and excitement's being eaten away. sigh.

and this sun there's the company potluck dinner thing. yet more time taken away. the trip is nearing but there's so much undone that it's abit scary!

happy things

2010-07-02T23:35:00.001+08:00

saw an ocbc ad in the train today that read something along the lines of what can be happier than winning money? i can't rem the exact phrase, but the ad campaign was trying to promote the happiness of savings, the happiness that money brings. undoubtedly, money can bring happiness. but then, there are many other things that bring happiness too.

in the bible, there are over 200 verses that contain the word joy. but yet, none of them are regarding money. (correct me if i' wrong). but i've nv really liked ocbc ads. perhaps they shld consider a different ad agency.. or maybe its just the marketing dept.

oh well. that was a sidetrack of what i wanted to blog abt. what i really wanted to blog was a list of happy things over the past few days :D no boring account of what i've done over the week, but a list of things that made my days!

Lulu's msg confirming the meetup w her and adora for 2 weeks from now

hearing xian's hearty laughter last night

spending time w the clique

lunch w adora

dinner w shermin, htht and koi @ chinatown 'rooftop garden'

getting my macbook pro during lunchtime!!

super good durian :D

watching 叶问前传 with my parents (finally brought them to the movies!)

there's still alot to be done for the mission trip prep. hopefully i'll be more efficient with the macbook pro. n i really do hope keynotes is going to make its money worth and result in gd visuals for the skit!

keep track

2010-06-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

i think a blog that tracks the details of one's life isn't interesting to read. but, i need somewhere to keep track of what i've been spending my time on. otherwise, summer hols will be over and i won't know what i've busied myself with.

well last sat during tuan qi when james asked me how was my week, i had such a hard time recalling!! which means i really shld jot it down somewhere.

last week. hmm. mon was keyboard w talia, tues met up w rina n sab frm primary sch :D, wed went to kelly's grandpa's wake w pear, thurs was ting en's grad show, and fri i was finally home for dinner. and sat was happening! june's got 5 saturdays so i didn't have to teach last sat. went w shermaine and her two cousins and my sis in law to the science centre for the pixar show. spent an entire day there. well at least i carried out my promise to shermaine to bring her to the pixar show. its alot of fun to visit science centre with kids. they've got so much wonder in them, that it makes me excited and play along with them too. and then sun was prac for qing shao nian zhu ri. and i hope i didn't flare up too much. so hard to keep my temper in check at this kinda thing. n then had a talk w renjie. and a last min dinner w meihui n renjie. then home!

n this week, well, mon i was home! tues was out w merv n alex to listen to alex's sharing of his china trip. then wed i was home again :D tonight was a fruitful and fun session w songlian laoshi and xiaoying, planning for the activities of the mission trip. tmr night i'll be home again :D

internship's going well so far, but well, i really miss schooling life! now all activities need to be on weekday nights. and by the time i get home, it's alr 10 plus. by the time i slp it's always at least 12. not having the full 8 hrs of slp isn't doing me good.

reminder to self: please do not be like martha ok. Mary chose what is best. i should too.

突然的感想

2010-05-24T16:48:00.000+08:00

在公司的清洁工人身上看到谦卑。因为老板不在，办公室锁了所以不能进去抹桌子。这么小的一件事，但对他来说是重要的，还要我替他交待老板。他的态度，让我看到了谦卑。

也让我想，market place calling 到底有多真。在职场上能有多少时间为主做工呢？很想问问那个清洁工人是否认识耶稣，但是我不能用工作时间谈这个，对吗？在职场的确可以透过生命来见证主。可是如果没有机会把神说给他听，那还真的有用吗？

趁着现在工作不是很忙，快快把感想写下来。要不然，很容易就忘了。

taking stock

2010-05-11T00:48:00.000+08:00

well since the end of exams, i've been tasked w a few things, and i think it's time to take stock of what i have to do.

mission trip - worship and praise sessions
mission trip - skit
mission trip - grp leader
青少年主日 - collate songs to put into medley
青少年主日 - set practise dates
青少年主日 - collate the sharing for kai to do the slides
worship min - do up roster for next half yr
discipleship w ting en
keyboard lessons w talia
farewell party for chun xiang laoshi (but not much needs to be done actually)

all this on top of internship and teaching piano.

my prayer for myself: that i won't be like martha and be distracted by all the doing, but be like mary with her listening heart.

yest brought mummy and daddy out to celebrate mother's day. not say i want to say, but in my family at least, the sons are not very 贴心. my mother only wanted to eat snow ice, the type that we had in Taiwan. BUT sadly, the one that we ate couldn't compare to the one in Taiwan la.. shall look for nicer ones to bring her next time.

a good book

2010-05-05T22:44:00.000+08:00

I've been reading Return To Worship - A God-Centered Approach, and it's really reminded me abt many things.

This one sentence prompted me to think abt some other issues too that're unrelated to the worship ministry.

'It doesn't take long to discover that Christians aren't perfect. It is, however, lamentable that the worst sometimes comes out in the context of the church'

how true. but then again, as reminded by cx laoshi, i've to be careful and wise abt the way I bring across my opinions. sometimes being too opinionated is not good. having a quick tongue on top of that is even worse.

especially when dealing with ultra sensitive people. hmm. i should learn to keep my thoughts to myself. but then again, it's so hard to predict/gauge if what i say will trigger a dramatic reaction, especially when it's nothing much to me. oh well, God made everybody differently. He made some more sensitive than others.

as for work, it's been good! well, i'm starting to get the hang of things, which means they're also letting me do more stuff = less bored at work. downside is that i have so much less time to myself than when i was schooling.. I never thought i'll ever say this but I MISS SCHOOL!!

the past few days

2010-04-29T22:24:00.001+08:00

met up with lindy just now! once again I thank God for such a faithful and wise and lovely SM. though adora and the rest couldn't make it, it was good to spend some time w lindy. n sharing w her helped me verbalise the thoughts that have been running through my mind the past few days.

well, internship started on wed! and as much as I'm thankful for the internship, it has got me thinking abt my life after smu. (cos the internship really isn't much fun) will i be able to tahan a deskbound job? if not a desk bound job, what else? the job that i have in g, and the whole g business itself, doesn't add any meaning to life.

it merely keeps the economy going. it helps the investors get accurate information needed for an informed decision. it's part of the market. capitalism assumes perfect information in the economy. well, g contributes to making that assumption a little more true that it actually was. it's like a gear that keeps the wheels turning. but that's it. no greater meaning to it...

with the start of the internship, I've begun to pray seriously regarding my future. What does god want me to do, how can I serve Him with the abilities that He's given me? full time ministry? set up a piano school? lai mushi's sermon about being using our profession/capabilities to serve in the mission field as opposed to being a missionary has got me thinking too. Now, I've to see how God leads.

well, the other thing i've been doing is watching 败犬女王。戏里的卢卡斯真是个超级棒的男朋友。他不在意外在的分别，而是看到了无双内心里的美。全心付出地照顾她，爱护她。常常都那么充满生命力。可以那么的逗趣好笑，却在适当的时候也能成熟稳重。他体贴，包容，有爱心，又勇猛。不被无双的强悍和能干而吓跑，因为他本身也是聪明过人，非常能干，自信的人。现实生活中怎么没有这样的好男人呢！！

戏归戏，终究还是得回到现实。。。

God doesn't shortchange

2010-04-27T00:06:00.000+08:00

'But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.' By these things, it meant the things we needed in life - things like food, things like clothes.

One year ago, when I decided to forego internship and go for mission trips instead, I deeply believed in God's promise in that verse. Even when people were questioning my decision, I firmly believed that my God will provide for my needs if I put His matters first.

But, that faith that I had a year ago was severely affected and diminished through the past month, as it drew nearer and nearer to the time that I should start interning. As more of the summer hols passed, I began to panic, and I began to question if God will really provide. as my last post abt the 2-man company shows, my faith in God was really at point zero.

my prayer to God was that He will show me that He will provide for my need. that He will not shortchange me. that He will allow me to experience His providence, so that I can look back and know for myself that indeed my God is one that provides for me. Just like how David, in His psalms, could fall upon his experiences with God and know that God is his tower and refuge, I asked God to allow me to have a taste of His providence, so that I could know His providence and draw from this experience in the future. And God answered my prayer, in the form of an internship with Globalpoint. I'm deeply thankful. what's more, this internship also allows me to go for the mission trip with church too. Indeed, God doesn't shortchange.

Now, I not only know about God's providence as a fact in the Bible, as illustrated in the Bible. I know God's providence cos He provided for my needs. I do not just know about God's promise to provide. I know He provides.

I think that's what Lindy has been trying to teach us in DG..

thanks to all who kept me in prayer. I know and you know who you are :)

Praise be to God!!

with each update

2010-04-22T00:04:00.001+08:00

with each 'not offered' on Ontrac, the heart just gets heavier. Now, left with coca cola and jtc.
i really don't want to take up the cayman management consultants' one. but something tells me that's possibly what God wants me to do.

when i first started praying abt internship, I told God that I'm not picky - that anything will do. that i don't mind anything as long as i can fulfill the requirement. Then, before going to Cayman Management Consultants' for interview, I thought, if the boss there allows me to do just 10 weeks, then i can go for mission trip! and so, I asked God if He will provide..

and indeed, the boss allowed me to have just a ten week internship! but, the company is really crap. there's just 2 people. the boss and a temp who's waiting to enter Uni. and the boss is just in his twenties! -.- i really don't want to intern at a company like that. and in my heart I'm really thinking, yes God you answered my prayer, provided both internship and mission trip, but must it be such a cui internship?! I know i'm not supposed to be grumbling. that not long ago i was just reminded of the israelites and how they kept grumbling. but, the sadness and disappointment just wells up la.

I'm still holding on to hope that coca cola or jtc will take me.

must i really intern at a lousy company????

:(

fruitful day

2010-04-20T00:28:00.000+08:00

did more than i planned today. bumped into ber at raffles city after my last paper today! n she said she's meeting kai for lunch. so i tagged along too. :D n before that went to hmv to get CDs! got paramore's cd, and also two books. one of which is obama's audacity of hope. i hope it'll be a good read :) (it's really cheap, 2 for $20!)

after that went to visit ah ma. haven't been to visit her in a long long time. sigh. talked to her for 20 mins or so, soliciting no response at all. she opened her eyes once when i arrived, and opened them again another time when i was leaving. the rest of the time, she was just slping away, w the occasional twitching of the nerve on her hand.

well, at least she's not groaning in pain - i hope she's not in any pain.

on to happier things, she hui was home when i went to the dermatologist! so i crashed her place for abt half an hour :D tho it was short but it was good time spent w my qing ren! :)

then bumped into shu shu at my void deck! he was sitting there waiting for the rain to stop before continuing on his way home. he refused to take an umbrella from me cos he said he'll definitely not return it cos he's always so forgetful. then he said he bought 4 Hawaiian papayas from NTUC that are v fragrant. n he gave me 2 to take home! haha. funny man. haven't tried yet though.

and, highlight of the day - the thin crust pizzza!!!! yay! it tasted not bad leh! though it could've been crispier. oh and i 'cheated' for the sauce on the pizza. used ready made ones instead of making it from scratch. heh. figured i shall not be too ambitious. :D (photo on fb!!)

on a more random note, i think God likes to disrupt plans. was planing to prepare for interview tmr when a conversation popped up on msn. one that was impt. so well. :) God has a history of doing that w me, i realise. i plan to do sth, and then i get a call/sms/msn. and everytime this happens, i'm reminded of sth in a book i read, called love walked among us. part of the book spoke of how Jesus had never turned away a person in need even when it disrupted his rest/itinerary/current things on hand. He was always ready to give, without a doubt. That one particular aspect of loving is something I think God has been teaching me for quite some time now. :)

i suppose He has to disrupt my plans so that His plans for me can take place...

the last lap

2010-04-18T17:46:00.000+08:00

heh heh tmr is the last paper!! woohoo~ after 12pm tmr, i'll be freee!!!!
which means i'm really having trouble concentrating on revision now. not to mention there'll be hong xin da jiang tonight. n it doesn't help that my whole family will be watching it and commenting etc while i'm stuck behind the wall studying. (i'm literally on a different side of the wall from the tv!) hope i have enough discipline to last the night..

this round of exams, I was a good girl to my mother. Did as she liked - cancelled all commitments as much as I can and just stayed home to study. efficiency aside, at least this shows her that I can prioritize. usually she'll be nagging and chiding me for overly committing myself to serving and sacrificing my studies. this time round, at least she's pleased and there was no nagging. a first!

tmr, i think i'll try to make a thin crust pizza after the exam. and go visit ah ma. n visit the dermatologist. n then prepare for the interview on tues.

I think i'm being really greedy, but I'm asking God if I can have both internship and mission trip. Let's see how He answers..

hols is coming!!

2010-04-15T22:24:00.001+08:00

last paper to go on Monday, then I'm freeeeeee!!!!!
YAY
which means i'm already partially in holiday mood. which means studying now is reeeeaaaallllyyyyy slow :S

oh well

this will be the last major holiday i have before graduating :( must spend it well! I will most probably have the rest of April to myself. By the look of things now, earliest I can start internship will be in May. (still haven't gotten one btw...)

planning for the hols alr heh heh
i'll definitely:

GO CYCLING! i want to cycle to pierce reservoir. dunno if i can make it there and back without cramps
meet pear
meet meihui - yay the fireplace!!!
meet shi en
meet ellen and ahkar (finally!)
get sports shoes
bake a thin crust pizza
finish reading the books that have been put on hold since mid sem
buy CDs! (thinking of buying JJ, Jason Mraz, and John Mayer)
learn to cook cheng teng
try to make pancakes WITHOUT pancake mix heh
finish michelle's present w dabestclique
watch movie
bring my father to a 3D movie
bring my niece for the pixar exhibition (though that might only happen in june -.-)
cook something for my mother.
meet up with chi yuan and yu xi (hopefully)
go ubin cycling! that's like cycling again, heh.

:D now, major difficulty in concentrating on studying. IPO/M&A/corporate governance/leveraged beta.... *yawns*

today

2010-04-12T01:15:00.000+08:00

i really shldn't be blogging, since i haven't even started revision for the exam that's on wed yet. :S but i wanted to note this down.

yest i was just grumbling abt the lack of an internship and being stressed about exams.

today, I thought God was scolding me through the sermon! i realised how much I am like the Israelites. They were slaves in Egypt, and cried out to God to save them. God listened, brought them out, but yet they complained again in the desert abt the lack of meat to eat, lack of water to drink, even after witnessing the miracles that God performed in bringing them out of Egypt. (Red Sea part for them leh!!!)

I'm like them, in many ways. I prayed for God to allow me into SMU. He listened, and granted me that. But yet, now that i'm in SMU, i'm grumbling and complaining abt the lack of internship and the heavy workload. The only thing I can be glad about, perhaps, is that I've been grumbling to God mostly (i say mostly, not only)

well, I thank God for 'scolding' me though. It made me realise the futility of my complaints, and the possible disastrous consequences. so, the heart is alot lighter now.

n i just realised i could apply for internship through job street and jobs db too! but not sure how much more efficient it will be.

okies. back to studying. international econs, here i come!!!

(grr the cockroach totally distracted me from studying just now. it better stay behind the shelf and not come out again)

seriously getting scared

2010-04-09T18:26:00.000+08:00

damn it. only 2 pple applied for the breadtalk position, which is me and another person that i don't know. n now the status shown is 'not offered' again. and without an interview again! is it the gpa? or something wrong w my resume?

i'm really starting to panic. what if i can't get an internship? then does that mean i have to push back my graduation? ARGHHHHHH

when push comes to shove

2010-04-08T18:34:00.000+08:00

never in the Bible did God promise good results or success for sure. at least not success as we define it.

keep my eyes fixed on the right things! it sucks when the effort put in doesn't pay off. :(

the things I teach Ting En, I've to first experience and live it out myself.

reminded

2010-04-07T21:32:00.000+08:00

by the song playing on pear's blog. the song by JJ. The first time i heard that song was when Ber sang it in Kbox when we celebrated meihui's birthday.

but that wasn't what i was reminded of.

i was reminded of what happened during piano lessons. sigh. it's a 又好气又好笑thing. One of my students, Pearlyn, is a sec 1, and has got ZERO discipline in practising the piano. But, she wants to continue to learn, and does not want to give up the lessons. I've talked to her a couple of times, but there was no effect. two saturdays ago, I gave her a really lengthy 'lecture' about why she has to practise. She claimed that she'll only prac when there's a song she absolutely loved. so i told her that she has to practise even when she doesn't absolutely LOVE the song cos the practise is needed to train her skills etc etc..

then last sat, she improved a lot! and i was really really happy.

then i remarked saying that well at least what I told her the week before didn't go to waste. and I asked her why she decided to practise (thinking she'll say sth along the lines of 'what you said last week made sense..')

but to my disappointment, she said she saw JJ playing the piano (on tv or video or sth) and she was so inspired by him. -.-

sighs. 我的肺腑之言竟然比不上JJ的魅力。。。

but nonetheless, so long as she improves.. I ended up ranting to pearlyn in a rather drama way saying I thought it was my 'speech' that changed her, and she just laughed at me. grr. well at least she was honest.

n this means that the talented male singers who can play piano (like wang li hong!!) can become my 'tools' in making her practise piano! suzy, the admin, promised to help me source for such talented men so we can ration the inspiration to her. haha. wait till the JJ inspiration dies off, I'll prolly get her to watch zhou jie lun's movie, 不能说的秘密. That should lead to another round of motivation.

low tolerance

2010-04-05T13:24:00.000+08:00

for bad english in a project report. they didn't even incorporate the changes i made to the language in the end cos they were still adding content to the report at 11plus pm last night, when the report was due at 12am. ARGH. my bad for choosing to do this proj w them. God loves the unlovable. so should i. keyword: should.

'The objective for Qtel is to make fully utilize of its cash available on hand, while minimize new debt issued for acquisition.'

!!!!

this day and age

2010-03-27T10:58:00.000+08:00

i still prefer handwritten post-its to high tech com stuff. The satisfaction of striking through an item on the to-do list can't be replaced :D

another 'not offered' internship. now, applied for coca cola and breadtalk internships. I really hope I get one of those so I can finally not think about internship applications and proceed to graduate in peace!

yesterday was SM appreciation at Jump. :)

Thank you Lord for timely encouragement :)
and thank you kaising, pear for praying. the heart is much lighter now. :)

internship

2010-03-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

the status on ontrac showed 'not offered'. and they didn't even ask me for an interview!! GRRR. n that's the hotelRe! one. and the dbs pple haven't asked for interview either. So, i think what the ocs pple said abt employers not looking at gpa isn't true. otherwise how did they shortlist candidates just based on CV and resume?!

whatever.

hope the dbs one will at least ask me for an interview. then it feels fairer at least.

well but now i can apply for another internship. Thinking between Nparks and Coca-cola. I'll defo learn more at Coca-cola, but the deadline for application is 28Mar. Which means I'll prolly know the results at start of April. Which means I won't have much time to apply for a new internship if I don't get that offer.but i think coca-cola will be an interesting experience. but, shortlisted candidates will be given a case to present to the coca-cola pple. so stressful. The Nparks one, I actually do like Nparks quite a fair bit. but the job scope is more limited. the deadline is 21mar, and till now no one has applied. so chances are quite high. hmmmm. how how how?? which one to apply for???!!!!

such a pain. ROAR.

busy

2010-03-17T01:13:00.001+08:00

sch work is getting much more busier now. it's times like this that I regret taking finance a little.

analysing merger and acquisition project by Qatar Telecom, calculating Burberry's value per share (it's not even just maths ok. need to consolidate financial statements, do research on growth rate, forecast future earnings/expenses, and finally valuation -.-), researching on whether the yuan is undervalued and if it is, who will gain and lose from a revaluation.

well at least i'm gaining knowledge. and tight deadlines aside, I actually think some of these are interesting to explore. But, it'll be much more enjoyable if there weren't such things as looming deadlines that result in a lack of sleep.

and after these things are due, there'll be preparations for the finals and also writing a term paper for business to business marketing.

so, i'm going to be pretty anti social from now till the end of sem...

good thing we had Meihui's 21st celebration on Sunday. I think I laughed enough and had enough fun to sustain me for the rest of the sem :D

HTHT

2010-03-08T16:53:00.000+08:00

'following Jesus means loving your parents too.'

how true.

I don't know how to describe DG just now. but as Adora put it, our topics have been getting deeper and deeper. (even when we don't do crunaction!) DG just now was like suffering a punch on my heart. hard truths to learn n apply, hard questions to answer. sometimes, after taking away all model answers/institutionalised Christian behaviour and forced to look at the bare heart, what stares back can surprise us.

and the short time w adora after DG was :)

Thank God for putting me in this DG, and thank God for such a wise SM, n for DG mates to share lives with.

oops

2010-03-07T01:04:00.000+08:00

I totally missed a proj meeting, just cos I didn't check my email frm fri afternoon til now. They emailed on fri afternoon asking to meet on sat night. n since i was out w kinderart pple for a movie plus supper on fri night, slpt in this morn, went out to teach and then had tuan qi, i didn't check my email until now. n thus, my group went ahead and met on sat night. and i was absent. well, i would've missed it anyway, since there's tuan qi n i bet they'll just have met without me anyway.

and initially when i read their email earlier i thought their 'tomorrow' referred to sun. n after i replied my availability for tmr, they replied saying they'd met alr! though i do feel bad for replying the email late, i'm really super secretly glad that there's no meeting tmr. (otherwise there'll be 2 proj meetings to go to on a SUNDAY).

it actually feels v shiok to miss a proj meeting. heh.

YAY

blessings

2010-02-28T23:56:00.002+08:00

Han Xin's bottle of milk tea and claud's sms. What great joy when the ones i'm supposed to minister to bless me in return!

n on a sidenote, I really wish for God to open a way for me to talk to my da ge about salvation. He sees me busy myself serving in church and crusade, and I think he prolly thinks i'm nuts. But i really long for the chance to tell him why I do all this, and for him to accept Christ as His saviour and Lord. He's the one person I haven't plucked up courage to tell the gospel too. sheshe, mich, ling, renny (xian n jc to a lesser extent i think) all prolly have heard enough from me since stnicks haha. n ellen too, to some extent. these pple are super dear to my heart, which is why i have been telling them abt the love of God (maybe more than they want to hear but still oblige w me..) But my da ge. well he's da ge. way way older da ge. i just don't know how to broach the topic, esp when he prolly alr knows all abt the gospel since he's been to church since he was young, n my father talks abt God's love at every opportunity over the weekly friday dinners. but, how do i begin to ask him abt why he left church? he doesn't open up to me, his little sister, in that way. he is DA ge..

distracting

2010-02-26T17:12:00.003+08:00

ARGH the internet is so distracting. and i have such weak will.

must study. must study. must study. must study. must study. must.

今天

2010-02-22T21:23:00.001+08:00

today's DG day out was FUNN. only regret was not enough HTHT w dear Adora. but then again, we have a lifetime of HTHTs tgt :D

and i kopped the powerpuff ah powerpuff game to use for DG day out n it was as well received at crusade as it was at church yaya camp!

今天，终于开了美慧写给我的信。好久以前写的。。一直都没必要开来看，直到今天。的确，让我的心好过多了，也让我对着那些卡片傻笑！（我太迫不及待，看完了才发现应该一次一张地看）美慧，谢谢你！太肉麻的话，我留着在信里写，你等着瞧！哈哈

堂妹，我们一起加油!

be still my heart

2010-02-20T11:27:00.000+08:00

as i look at the amt of studying to be done for midterms and the work that's to be done for upcoming projs, i can't help but feel panic rising.

i feel like i'm the disciple on the boat w Jesus during the storm. yet, my mind can't convince my heart to be still.

through the study of Luke, I realise how far away I am from being a true follower of Christ.

*i will be still and know you are God*

有感而发

2010-02-19T16:54:00.000+08:00

我想友情也是不能强求的吧
付出不一定有回报
有时候把姐妹两个字挂在嘴边，并不代表什么
所以我决定，不再积极的关心了
以我的性格，通常会积极地稳固这段友情
但这次，还是算了吧，总觉得再努力下去也没用的
对方不珍惜，我又能做什么呢？
释怀吧！

time to study

2010-02-18T23:35:00.001+08:00

sigh. half the sem's past and reality's starting to hit me. *ouch* Haven't done readings so far, and now that midterms are nearing, i'll have to first complete those unread readings before moving on to revision. Such a pain!

and i absolutely dislike the internship searching process. another pain. but oh well, i have to do it in order to graduate. I'm really just trusting God for providence. and internship means i can't go for mission trips this summer hols. sigh. i hope eventually there'll be some way to fit in a mission trip somehow.

growing up is no fun when i'm 22. or rather, it's not called growing up anymore. it's called growing old :S

an ill deserved break

2010-02-01T20:42:00.001+08:00

the very initial plan for today afternoon was to meet up w claud for some one on one time, since i haven't been spending enough personal time w my girls. but i really felt that my mind and heart weren't up to it - was abit drained. so then i thought i'll use the afternoon to study instead, since i've been pretty lagging in readings. but in the end, i ended up cycling :D

DG today was especially refreshing I think. A simple thing like praying can have pretty deep associations. why do we pray? if God's will will be done anyway, where's the role of free will? since God alrd knows, why then do I pray? and the qns that is still unanswered as of now, what's the relationship between our desires and the will of God? I'm really thankful for such a wise SM. :) n also adora n sue jen, who always push further than what is on the surface, and ask cheem questions.

then when i got back home, decided to finally go see the sunflower that has bloomed at the cai yuan. i bugged my dad to plant it for me, so i was really looking forward to seeing it, but had no time to do that until today. then, since i was alrd on my bike, might as well go cycling right! haha. so i cycled to the dam near seletar country club. the wind there was super shiok!

such a great getaway, amidst all the stuff to be done. not that sch's been busy - it hasn't. but, there seems to be alot of stuff to be done in terms of ministry. but then again, maybe it's just the heart space that's being taken up.

oh well, took some photos on my phone. :) too bad i didn't bring my camera along w me.

now, i'll better go get some sch work done :)

here and now

2010-01-29T14:56:00.003+08:00

Here and now, here in this moment
Here and now I turn to You
All that my searching heart has longed for can be found
'Cause You're in this moment, here and now

What majesty, what mystery,
The God of all eternity
Stepped into time and gave His life for me
Your hand is seen in galaxies,
Yet Your Spirit dwells in me
So vast and yet You're still within our reach

There is nowhere You can't be found
Nothing on earth could ever keep Your Presence out

Here and now, here in this moment
Here and now I turn to you
All that my searching heart has longed for can be found
'Cause you're in this moment, here and now

prof. sighs.

2010-01-25T11:02:00.001+08:00

i get highly amused by this corporate finance prof. he's chinese, n he has an accent that is quite funny. He's got an american slang, n his english is pretty decent most of the time, but sometimes pronounciation of certain words is just funny. like,

significant - sigernificant

lemon - leemon

n, he gets confused by his own explanation. he was explaining the solution to a problem halfway when he just stopped, and said, you know what, i'm getting confused by this. you can just go and read the solution on your slide. (he said it w a smile. i think he amuses himself too)

!!!

so that's what we pay fees for. -.-

and, he just put up his feet on the table to tie his shoelaces. i'm a pretty unglam person, but there's a diff between unglam n uncouth...

food

2010-01-19T18:32:00.000+08:00

I'm spending more mealtimes in school this sem, so expenses are gg to go up. sigh. n it doesn't help that sch food is not student price la! the pain of studying in town. it promotes spending, what with more expensive food and shopping centres so near.

at least this makes me look forward to internship a bit more. though pay generally is pitiable, but at least it's still money :D

simple pleasures in life

2010-01-18T23:03:00.001+08:00

east coast starbucks w pear

hanging out at fort canning park alone for half an hour while waiting for adora

looking at dabestclique's photos (the new yr countdown ones) on fb (again)

even though there's a quiz tmr. but still, :)

LOL

2010-01-11T15:52:00.000+08:00

i got such a kick reading this post by this person who I don't even know. it was a link from MrBrown's site, and I just loved it! the blogger, Kitchen Tigress (i dunno why she named her blog that -.-) blogged about her attempt at getting a birthday cake from ocbc on her birthday.

i've always been interested in ads, and having taken a mod on advertising, i'm even more interested in ads. (tho that doesn't mean i'll want to work in an ad firm)

recently i noticed two ads that made me ultra skeptical. in kitchen tigress's words, the ads are deliberately misleading. The first one i noticed was the one by ntuc, where an ntuc staff helped an old lady with her grocery. even my niece said 骗人的！when I asked her why she said that, she said ‘ah ma 去NTUC 的时候都没有人帮她’. even though my mum's really not old and fragile enough to radiate 'i need help' vibes to others, you get the point. i was surprised my niece was so observant and smart.

then came the ocbc ad, in which this little girl was there drawing a birthday card for her mother while waiting for the mother to be done at the bank teller, and the ocbc staff realises that its the lady's birthday, and got a cake to surprise her! after watching that, i really wondered to myself what will happen if i went to ocbc to ask for a cake on my birthday. but it was such a dumb and irritating (to the staff) to do, so the thought just stayed as a thought. but i didn't know there'll be an adult prankster out there called kitchen tigress who'll do that. haha!

for the account of her experience, go to http://kitchentigress.blogspot.com/2010/01/ocbcs-birthday-cake.html

exaggeration is a technique used by advertisers, but it really just backfires when the exaggeration is something tangible and very possible. i mean, it's one thing when an ad exaggerates that the iron is so powerful that it can even straighten stairs - thats something impossible, so we all know it's just for exaggeration purpose. but exaggerations of POSSIBLE benefits like having staff who help the elderly, or staff who are kind and considerate enough to give clients a birthday surprise are just so unwise. that's because it is something that could actually happen. i mean, why not? if the company is sincere and serious enough about the message that it's getting across, the said scenarios could happen. therefore, when the benefit doesn't materialise (when it is something realistically achievable), it becomes that much clearer that the company isn't sincere in its claim.

viewers (even kitchen tigress) all understand that ads are not always true representations of the products. but, it doesn't mean that viewers will let it go. i'm glad there're people free enough, thick-skinned enough, and care enough (cos unfortunately i'm not one of those) to kick up a fuss in response to 'lying' ads. HAHA. more of these people and we may finally get to see more quality ads in Singapore.

wise words

2010-01-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

i think i've got really wise parents. really thankful that they've always taught me not to make others' problems my problems - i should listen, lend a listening ear, help where i can, but not be distressed by it. I've nv really understood the importance or the need for it till recently. if the problem becomes my problem too, it'll be 2 distressed people instead of 1. n then i won't be of any use, unable to help stabilise the person's emotions, unable to give advice, unable to formulate clear thoughts for the one who really is facing the problems.

与哀痛的同哀痛，但是也必须存有智慧的处理
当我把他人的问题当成自己的问题时，很自然的就想要向身边的好友倾诉，征求他们的意见。但是，还是把话收了回来，因为那不是我的问题，我必须尊重对方的隐私，也只能尽我所能够的来给予帮助，关怀。神必赐智慧，也更加相信神始终是掌管着一切的。

and ketchup says hi back :D

2010-01-09T00:23:00.000+08:00

in a nutshell

2010-01-05T15:23:00.000+08:00

so there was Christmas celebration on the eve at church. It didn't feel much like a celebration though, this year's church christmas event was different. don't know what to make of it, but i much prefer what we used to do.

then there was celebration of Shi En's birthday on Christmas day itself - it was super interesting. played a game of　百万大歌星. We came up with our own categories, and for each category, each song choice had a dish tagged to it. Shi En had to choose a song from the chosen category, and if she answered it correctly, she'll get to eat the dish. she ended up answering ALL the songs correctly, with help from the very kind zhu chi ren of course. haha. so we ended up cooking alot of different dishes. pics on fb, so i won't post them here.

after that was META. I won't say it was life changing, but it reinforced what Jia Feng Laoshi had reminded me just before the camp. that is, to be grounded in the word of God. though it was a hard truth to accept, but I'm glad laoshi brought it up, and I think through META, i know for sure this is what God wants me to learn, and not just human's judgement. SO, my new year resolution is to finish reading the bible cover to cover!

new year's eve was spent w very very beloved people. :D :D :D DABESTCLIQUE. who better to spend the first hour of 2010 with than the ones i know will stand by me, laugh at me and with me?

new year's day was spent at home, tidying up my room and finally opening the christmas presents. at night was my birthday celebration at home, and my da ge bought me SUPER ZAI BOSE EARPHONES!!!!! the sound quality is amazingly better than my old ones. woohoo!

2nd jan was spent playing soccer in the morning at tuan qi and then teaching piano for 5 hours, followed by ikea trip w my family :D finally bought my new bed, which was supposed to be my 21st birthday present from er ge. shows how much we can procrastinate huh! also bought shelves for our living room so we can tidy up the garang guni alike space. can't wait for the stuff to arrive on the 14th!

3rd jan was spent at church, and then celebrating my birthday w shi en meihui and ber. :D it was a food day. was supposed to go for picnic, but it rained. and on our way to sembawang shopping centre for astons, we missed the stop and ended up eating prata in thomsons. haha! we then had a mini fan1 ban3 karaoke session at my place until my sound system decided to go crazy on me. then we had steamboat dinner at my place, followed by card-giving ceremony! the card is super huge, and it's on my wall now!!! :D

well 4th was the start of sch, supposedly. went to sch early in the morning to find that class had been canceled. -.- prof sent a message into our vista (academic platform where profs posts ppt etc) inbox. who the heck checks their vista inbox! i've nv checked it in my 3 years of study at SMU. why couldn't he have sent an email like all other people? grr. then met sophia, and had a 'surprise' bday celebration at croom, then off to airport to send myra off to india for 8mths!

my days have been packed, so the time spent at home today is ultra precious, only thing is that i've got class at night :(

*we love, because God first loved us* otherwise, i wouldn't be spending so much time on the things i spend time on now.

a tiring (but fun!) december

2009-12-23T00:29:00.000+08:00

back to singapore!

the OKYAYA camp was fantastic, at least for me it was. the activities were all conducted well, and more importantly, the intended messages were brought across through the activities. This is the first time I've planned games/activities that carry so much meaning. it really brought gamesmaster to a whole new level. hopefully what we have done might even get passed on and carried on for future camps, and perhaps even passed to other churches. :D

Bangkok was super exciting and fun, especially since we met two super nasty cab drivers that took us to restaurants w unreasonable prices. 1kg of crab for 100+ sing dollars! grr. lucky we realised in time and didn't eat there. sometimes it's good to be suspicious abt things. my family is hokkien, and we called those shops tai3 lang3 diam3. directly translated into slaughter people shop. but, shopping was good. never shopped so mch in my life! and it was good that my brother bought a backpack. so all our shopping went into his backpack. i didn't need to carry anything! muahaha.

now that Christmas is drawing near, and meta too, it seems that there're so many things to prepare. serving in band for christmas, leading the group for christmas, drumming for meta. preparing christmas presents. but i'm not doing anything yet, cos i feel like i haven't even rested at all in this December! was busy with camp preparation right after exams, and then it was camp, then bangkok, and now. sighs.

and the year's drawing to a close so quickly! time to sit down for another personal retreat time. to think abt the past year, to count God's blessings, and to look onto the next year :)

photos for camp are on fb. photos on blogger just take too long..

away

2009-12-13T00:30:00.001+08:00

church camp frm 13-16
bangkok w family form 17-20

*GRINS*